24 April

Certificate X presents Straight to Video Hell Double Bill

Certificate X goes Straight-to-video-hell with an exclusive double-bill of rarely screened, truly unforgettable, shot-on-video oddities from the 1980s, which have to be seen to be believed.

DEVIL DOLL FROM HELL (1984) is the, almost legendary, VHS atrocity-masterpiece in which a God-fearing, Church going lady, who isdisgusted by all the sex which surrounds her, buys a black-face doll with dreadlocks, which is possessed by an evil spirit! The big-eyed doll watches the woman shower and soon becomes her secret lover, growling ‘Beg for it Bitch’ ! She then, of course, becomes a cheap tramp, trawling the bars for a man who can satisfy her like her doll !
This video become such a rare collector’s item and, understandably, developed such a cult that a re-issue was demanded. Certificate X is proud to present a new ‘director’s cut’ , from the folks at Massacre Video, including previously unseen footage. Yes! There’s more !

BEASTIES (1989), an Aliens-Gremlins-Ghoulies rip-off which goes beyond Hobgoblins and Troll 2 to a level of such sincere ineptitude it could easily be the VHS generations’ Manos; Hands of Fate !
A group of no-good kids (one of whom is a scientific genius) discover an alien ship (mostly kept off screen due to no-budget) filled with eggs, while one of the ‘aliens’ (a rubber hand puppet) goes to watch a woman shower naked. The rest of the film is filled with undergound cults, lazy sheriffs (who won’t help the kids because one of them peed on his car!), brawlin’ babes, cars that just won’t start, some of the lamest ‘punks’ to ever appear before a video camera, a continuous synth-track and such classic lines such as “we could be walking into a mouth … or some other kind of opening” and “I really hope an intergalactic war doesn’t arise from this incident”

Only 200 tapes were released before being discontinued due to poor (no?) sales which, of course, have since become highly sought after collector’s items.

These are films which have to be seen to be believed and seen with an audience !

“Here’s a hard-to-believe, low budget, homemade film with an all-black cast. If it sounds stupid, offensive, hateful and crude, it is. “
- The Psychotronic Video Guide

“Easily the most vile, scummed up, deranged, and hysterical film to ever be scored with a Casiotone CT-310, Black Devil Doll’s flamboyance cannot be overstated. Forget the tug between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ filmmaking, there’s nothing like this anywhere on the planet. And there never will be again “

“Worth seeing purely just because it has to be seen to be believed “

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Dave Sedgwick

Mark Bebbington